if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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