Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize