I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
