Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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