marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
