I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
