If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
