dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
whose parrot is this?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Shame is for Republicans.
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