Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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