and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
