my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
