did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
