The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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