oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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