You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
