Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
