Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
