Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
