you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
