I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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