when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Randomize
