I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
