its not stalking. its research.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
