Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
