thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
