You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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