Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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