He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
