Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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