absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize