I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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