So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
