I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
