I hate all girls vehemently.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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