Do you still have your period?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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