Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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