Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
