I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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