What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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