Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
