kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have aggressive nipples.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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