Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
