What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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