is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
