wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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