you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
