his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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