Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
