You made me cry and you don't even care
i just had sex bonerless
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize