Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize