DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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