good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize