he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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