Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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