whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
