that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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