Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
sex in a hospital.. check
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
