$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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