where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
