So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
