That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
