I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
