He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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