i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
