The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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