Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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