He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
