piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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